“I just want them to know

That I gave my all, did my best

Brought someone some happiness

Left this world a little better just because

I was here”

One of the most obvious facts about me is that I do not play about Beyoncé Giselle Knowles-Carter. In just one simple conversation, or even a simple scroll on my Instagram page, it wouldn’t be hard to tell.

Beyoncé has been a consistent voice in my life, from a very young age. I have always appreciated her artistry and level of performance. In more recent years though, I feel that her music has become such a focal part of my life. And I tribute that to her 2022 release Renaissance, the kickstart of her trilogy series and the realization of just how much I love her as an artist. I won’t harp too much on my admiration of her, because I’ll end up off course.

I found myself relistening to some of her albums during the colder weeks of this winter season (which I’ll delve more into for my Winter Favorites post!). Among that rotation was her 2011 release 4. With so many smash hits like “Love on Top” and “Dance for You”, there were also a handful of raw-cut, emotional b-sides. One of those for me is “I Was Here”.

I did, I’ve done everything that I wanted

And it was more than I thought it would be

I wanna leave my mark so everyone will know

I was here

Relistening to this a few weeks back, in front of my space heater as I stared into my computer screen at work, two varying thoughts popped into my head. The obvious one being I do not want to live in a world where Beyoncé is no longer here. Hell, just the thought of her retiring brings tears to my eyes (The retirement theory from her song “Flamenco” is on my list to cover eventually). Sure, it’s easy to just chalk it up to me being parasocial. But I credit Beyoncé as one of the artists that changed the way I listen to music. I especially credit her for how I can enjoy the beauty of concerts and performance. The way she takes extra care of her art, in every facet, increases my appreciation as a fan. So when she finally does decide to hang it up, it will for sure be an emotional moment for me.

Of course, though, everything she states in this song, she has accomplished. She has cemented herself as one of, if not the, greatest entertainer of all time. She has a diverse discography that has detailed her evolution as an artist. She’s been a trendsetter, a go-getter, and a boss in every sense of the word. So for decades and centuries to come, the name Beyoncé will always be remembered. She was here.

But then, there’s the other side of this song that came into my thoughts, which I’m sure is an additional message she wanted her fans to take away from it. A self-reflection of our own lives, and what we aspire to do within it. Death is a grim subject, but it’s also inevitable. And we don’t know when it will come. Whenever it does, what will the world remember us for? What will the world remember me for?

I know what I would like for the world to remember me for, and it’s so many things at once. A dedicated, passionate, hungry writer. A daughter and sister that has made her family proud. A dependable coworker. An amazing friend. A helping hand in the community. And one day, a loving mother and wife to her family.

But am I doing what I should to ensure that memory of me is what comes to fruition?

Because once I’m no longer here, I will not be in control of that narrative. Honestly, I’m not even in control of it right now. The world will think what they want of you, no matter what good or bad you do. But I always wonder of ways I can make my impact on the world.

I believe that is partly why I began this blog. It’s of course to keep my fingers moving with writing. But I also believe that this is how I can leave my own imprint on the world. My words and thoughts can now outlive me. I’m able to showcase my true passions in writing and music, and I have the agency to be as real as I need to be. It’s proof that I was here.

Beyoncé’s music will live on for lifetimes to come. Will my writing be able to do the same? I’m not in control of the outcome, but my motivation to continue comes from the mere thought that maybe, just maybe, it will.