Hopin’ my twenty-somethings won’t end

Hopin’ to keep the rest of my friends

Prayin’ the twenty-somethings don’t kill me, don’t kill me

I was born in 2000, the final year of the 20th century and among the early classes of Gen Z. A cute, fun fact I tell others who aren’t the same age as me is that whatever year it is, that’s the age I currently am.

That means my entrance into my 20s was in 2020; now infamous for the coronavirus pandemic. To add fire to the flame, my birthday is in April, so it was just a few weeks prior to my 20th birthday that we were forced into our homes for an unknown amount of time.

With just a few minutes left until I would no longer be a teen, I remember just lying in my bed. I’m pretty sure I was doomscrolling on Twitter and indulging in whatever background noise my TV was playing at the time. It’s a common state I still find myself in. That specific night though, I think I was trying to find any single distraction that I could.

Being in your 20s is something that has been romanticized, dramatized, and any other kind of -ized there is, for my entire life. You see it in TV shows and movies, you see it online, and you can even see it in real life. It’s a period of your life where so many things are meant to happen at once. Finding love, finishing school, getting a good job, seeing the world, making your family proud, starting your own family, discovering who you really are as a person. All these things and so much more, you’re given just 10 years to do.

I knew at the time that I could move at whatever pace I needed to, but there was still a certain level of fear that pierced through me as the countdown began. I don’t think I was scared to grow up, because I’ve always carried an independent nature about myself. I think I was moreso scared of the pressures, instilled in only myself, of what I had to accomplish in the next few years.

The clock struck midnight, and I felt the tears piling up. There was no funny meme or Youtube video on the TV that could quiet out the noise happening in my brain.

All alone still, not a phone in my name

Ain’t got nothin’, runnin’ from love, only know fear

That’s me, Ms. Twenty-Something

I don’t recall what really prompted me to do this. I may have thought about it beforehand and remembered to a few minutes after midnight hit. But I got the hunch to play this exact song.

My first time listening to it was when I was 17, an angsty teen about to enter her senior year of high school. I was so excited for SZA’s debut album. Once it released, it was all I played for the rest of that summer. Not only was it good in terms of artistry, but there’s so much raw relatability within this album.

With me being only 17, there were many topics in the album that I had little to no experience of my own to connect to. One of those songs were of course, “20 Something”. But even without being in my 20s at the time of the song’s release, I still felt I could relate to it. I had those same concerns about what my 20s would be like. And they rose higher and higher the closer I got with each birthday.

In the midst of listening to it that night, my tears still fell, but my attitude began to shift. They were no longer tears of fear and anxiety; I started to feel comforted and even understood.

I sometimes like to think I live in this world by myself, where only my thoughts and actions exist, and that I am suffering alone. That no one else could possibly understand what my mind is going through. It’s something I know is absolutely not true, but I’m still grateful for moments where I can see how untrue it really is.

That night, I saw it through a song that I have loved for years. A song that expresses the same feelings I had about being in my 20s, well before I even reached them. It’s not the typical “everything will be okay”. Instead, it’s the resounding reminder that you are not the only one fighting this battle. You are not alone in your struggles, concerns, and fears. Even in your bedroom, counting down the minutes to your 20th birthday when the world is shutting down and no one really knows what’s happening, you’re not alone.

Good luck on them twenty-somethings, good luck on them twenty-somethings

But God bless these twenty-somethings

(God bless, oh, God bless, oh, God bless, oh, God bless, oh)

As of typing this, I’m nearing month three of officially being 26 years old. I’m now past the halfway point of my 20s. To say I was so scared to enter them all those years ago, I’d like to think I’m fairing pretty well now.

I still feel the pressures of things I haven’t accomplished yet, but I’m learning to accept that my life won’t be picture perfect like the movies are. I’ve loved and I’ve lost. I’ve had to let go of old friends and made new ones. I’ve had to say goodbye to family members when I wasn’t prepared to and made new family along the way. I’ve lost opportunities and gained new ones. And best of all, I finally learned how to ride a bike after being scared of falling down (I did fall a few times still).

My life is only my own. It can’t be compared to anyone else’s, because my walk won’t be at the same pace as everyone. The obstacles along the way, I may handle differently from the next person. But I have peace in knowing that I’m not alone in what I’m facing.

To all my 20 somethings who still don’t have it all figured out, I’m here with you. Good luck and god bless.